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For The Love With Jen Hatmaker Podcast

Apr 12, 2023

In this episode of our For the Love of the Middle series, renowned clinical psychologist Dr. Shefali returns to the show to discuss her concept of conscious parenting. Those of us in the middle of life who may still be parenting kids at home, or adjusting to parenting adult children who have just launched out into the world–or in any season of the parenting journey, really–will find much to learn as we look back (and forward) at our parenting patterns. Dr. Shefali provides a step-by-step roadmap to help free parents and their children from toxic patterns and expectations, while building a lasting meaningful bond with them. Using her book as a guide, she will introduce us to the five patterns of ego, show us some varying parenting styles (including helping Jen unpack her own parenting style), develop a mindful focus on self-control, and tips on how we can encourage our adult children to parent themselves. Jen and the good doctor will hit some big topics that will inform not only parents, but those of us who wish to discover how we were parented, and how it impacts us now; including: 

  • Walking through the definition of conscious parenting and the three stages of the parenting map

  • Debunking the notion that as parents we are supposed to create happy, perfect superhumans by following traditional parenting rules

  • Dismissing the notion that there are good kids and bad kids—and how to avoid using these labels  

  • Revealing the five ego patterns parents that parents might not even realize inform their quest to raise amazing children

  • The three reasons why children act out or misbehave and how you can learn not to shame them for it

  • The results of over-parenting and how it shows up in your adult children

It’s never too late to become a mindful parent and set an intention to allow your children to become centerstage in their own lives.

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Thought-Provoking Quotes

“The evolution of the planet depends on the evolution of the parent.” - Dr. Shefali

“Everyone wants a new tomorrow. But what we don't realize is that a new future comes with an absolute willingness to disrupt the past.” - Dr. Shefali

“There is no such thing as a good kid or a bad kid. We put these labels based on an egoic agenda. So, what kind of kids are there? Just kids–just humans who are terribly flawed like we are, and terribly, but amazingly blissful like we are. They're just this unique combo and they defy labels.” - Dr. Shefali

“The good girl taken to the extreme becomes self-sacrificial and she begins to lose her sense of self–it typically happens with girls. Then she's in her mid forties and she's like, ‘who am I?’” - Dr. Shefali 

“Conscious parenting is not something you are, it's something you become.” - Dr. Shefali

“Punishment, shaming, blaming is never sustainable. I cannot tell you how many times a day I tell parents, ‘Listen, you appear to get control in the moment, but long term, it's going to be unforgiving.’” - Dr. Shefali

“How do we constantly show our presence [to our adult children]? Unequivocal cheerleading. ‘I'm thinking of you. I miss you. I'm remembering you. I I adore you.’ Letting them know they are on our mind, but not involved in their day-to-day. - Dr. Shefali

“When the ego crumbles, proportionately the heart expands, and you then are just this heart-centered being able to connect to other people in a very attuned, compassionate, genuine way. And your children will feel it.” - Dr. Shefali


Guest’s Links

Dr. Shefali’s website

Dr. Shefali’s Instagram

Dr. Shefali’s Facebook


Resources Mentioned in This Episode

“The Conscious Parent” by Dr. Shefali

“The Parenting Map” by Dr. Shefali

Dr. Shefali’s previous interview on For the Love


Connect with Jen!
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